There always seems to be a problem going on.... if it is not my ex it is his, if it is not them it is the kids, and put on top of that the everyday challenges that marriage brings. Sometimes it just seems like TOO MUCH!!! This weekend was one of those times. (Having PMS certainly did not help either.) I hit my breaking point, I wanted to sit in a corner and cry. Let the story begin...
Last time we were suppose to have the kids, we were unable to take his kids for our weekend. The witch, who is really good at playing games and not following the rules. Played one of her tricks again. My husband picks up the kids on Friday at 4:00, that time has been in place for over 3 years, and was decided in mediation. (One time we tried to pick up the kids a little early (3:30) and she refused to let us, because it was not the right time.) Anyway we had movie tickets and planned to take all the kids to the movie, "Monster's VS Aliens". The show that started at 5:00 was about $20 cheaper than the next one which was after 7:00. We live over 30 minutes away from the witch's house. Taking 8 people to the movie is not cheap, so we do not get to do it very often. It had been planned for over a week, and we were excited to take them. It never seems to fail that whenever we make plans, even during our scheduled time, she has a way of screwing it up. So it was no surprise that on this particular weekend she wanted to make the change. She had the Informer send her dad a text "my mom has plans, you can pick us up at 6:00" He sent back, "we have plans too, we will be there to get you at 4:00" From there we know that the texts did not come from the informer but from the witch. "they will not be here at 4:00, I will compromise, you can get them at 5:00" He sent back " 4:00 is our set time, you cannot make last minute changes, we will not be able to get them after 4:00, we have plans" OK, for those of you that do not know her and have not seen what she has put us through over the last 7 years, this may seem like we should give in... but we did SO many times. She only wants changes when they benefit her. We were sticking to the scheduled time, we were following the rules that the court system has set. It is very frustrating to have to fight so hard for my husband to see his kids 4 nights and 6 days out of an average month. She has so much time with the kids, we don't understand why she cannot make plans any other time but the time we are suppose to pick them up. And she thinks she is so clever, she always turns it around. She did not tell the kids that we had plans and that we needed to pick them up at 4:00, she did not tell them that she made threats and that she refused to let us take them when we could pick them up. She let them believe that we did not want to pick them up. That we were not willing to make a simple change for them. And that we did it to spite her. She thinks that because she is stupid and immature that we are too. (I know stupid is not a nice word, but you have no idea how she is, she really is stupid)
There have been many times that my husband has gone out there and the kids were not there, or they were there and she would not let them go. She has yelled and threatened him in front of the kids. She has encouraged them to refuse to go with him, she has taught them that they have a choice and they do not have to go. Anyone that has been divorced and gone through stuff like this knows that in most cases you do not have the choice. And until the kids turn 18 they do not have the choice either. We have a good loving home, with a mom, dad and siblings that love them. The kids all have their own space with their own stuff, that is always respected even when they are not there. She does not know how lucky they are!!! (another time I will have to tell you about the situation my kids have at their other house, then you will understand why I think it is important)
So to avoid the conflict we did not pick them up, and we spent the weekend and month without them. It was hard, but we have tried everything we can so this doesn't happen. But she doesn't care who tells her she cannot do this, she doesn't think that rules apply to her.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
In the begining
So here is a little background on our situation. Me and my Hero have been married for amost 7 years. We both had three kids in our first marriage, he was married for 8 years I was married for 12. We did not choose to end our first marriages, our spouses made that choice for us. (Although now we are grateful) We both have joint custody of our kids, which means his kids live with the witch and my kids live with us. Every other weekend they are with the other parent. So one weekend we will have all 6 of the kids together with us, and the next weekend we have NO KIDS. (There are not a lot of perks that come with divorce but having time alone with my husband for the weekends is very nice!) Don't get me wrong I love my kids, and given the choice I would choose not to share them, but I do not have the choice. So I choose to find the good. Holidays are the same we either have all the kids or none of them. Unless there is a problem, and for us there have been lots of problems.
With the witch she is always trying to push us out of the kids lives. She is constantly planning stuff for the kids during our time. She uses the kids as pawns, having them lie and deceive their father. She puts them in the middle of every battle, making sure they know everything going on but only her point of view. She teaches them that they do not have to respect me or the rules of our house. She encourages proplems between us and the kids, especially me. Which is why they think I am a wicked step-mom.
With my ex, the jerk, there are a whole new set of problems. We follow the divorce decree , to the letter. I think he has them memorized, if it is not in there he doesn't have to do it. And if it is there I usually have to take him to court to get him to do it. There is a reason I named him the Jerk! He never puts the kids above himself. He is on his third marriage, and she is not a nice person. She doesn't even treat my kids with any respect or kindness. And he acts like he is still in Jr High school, and very self centered. He only calls the kids to talk about himself, not find out how they are doing.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg... wait till you hear the rest!
With the witch she is always trying to push us out of the kids lives. She is constantly planning stuff for the kids during our time. She uses the kids as pawns, having them lie and deceive their father. She puts them in the middle of every battle, making sure they know everything going on but only her point of view. She teaches them that they do not have to respect me or the rules of our house. She encourages proplems between us and the kids, especially me. Which is why they think I am a wicked step-mom.
With my ex, the jerk, there are a whole new set of problems. We follow the divorce decree , to the letter. I think he has them memorized, if it is not in there he doesn't have to do it. And if it is there I usually have to take him to court to get him to do it. There is a reason I named him the Jerk! He never puts the kids above himself. He is on his third marriage, and she is not a nice person. She doesn't even treat my kids with any respect or kindness. And he acts like he is still in Jr High school, and very self centered. He only calls the kids to talk about himself, not find out how they are doing.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg... wait till you hear the rest!
cast of characters
To protect the lives of the people I love (namely the children) and to allow me to write freely without the fear of judgement. I have decided not to used real names for my blog. Here are some of the people that I am sure I will be writing about often and the names I will be using...
ME= WICKED STEP-MOM
MY HUSBAND= HERO
MY THREE CHILDREN=(they live with us)
OLDEST DAUGHTER=ARTIST
SON= BANKER (he is good with money and business)
YOUNGEST SON= INVENTOR
MY HUSBANDS THREE KIDS=(they live with the witch)
OLDEST SON=ROCKER
DAUGHTER=INFORMER
YOUNGEST SON=MONKEY
MY EX HUSBAND=JERK
HIS EX WIFE= WITCH
I will add characters as needed, this is all I can think of now.
ME= WICKED STEP-MOM
MY HUSBAND= HERO
MY THREE CHILDREN=(they live with us)
OLDEST DAUGHTER=ARTIST
SON= BANKER (he is good with money and business)
YOUNGEST SON= INVENTOR
MY HUSBANDS THREE KIDS=(they live with the witch)
OLDEST SON=ROCKER
DAUGHTER=INFORMER
YOUNGEST SON=MONKEY
MY EX HUSBAND=JERK
HIS EX WIFE= WITCH
I will add characters as needed, this is all I can think of now.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Reason for This Blog
This blog is for me to rant and vent about the issues that surround everyone that is labeled as a "step-mom". As well as other things going on in my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there having issues with ex spouses (there is a reason we are not married to them anymore!) And trying to raise children in two very different household.
Oprah had a show on Motherhood and confessions of everyday mothers. It was hillarious! Desperation can be very funny, like the woman who was on a road trip with two sleeping children in the car. She had to go to the bathroom, not wanting to wake them she reached into the diaper bag and without stopping fixed her problem... that is a story only a mother of young children would understand!
The show was very impowering, even the moms that look and act perfect make mistakes. So many of us are trying to look like we are handling everything perfectly, when really we are not. There were many who found that talking with other moms, and being totally honest about how hard it really is to be a mom, found support from other struggling moms. It got me to thinking... if being a mother is the hardest job, what about being a step-mom? I am both and I think being a step mom is the hardest job...by far! I thought if I felt that way, maybe other women in positions like mine might feel the same way. So here I am venting about my frustrations and hoping to get help and support from other "wicked step mom's" I don't have any friends or family that are in the same situations and I do not feel a lot of support or understanding from them. How can they understand, when they don't go through the same things I do? Even my husband, who tries very hard, can't understand or feel the same way I do... he is a MAN after all!
Oprah had a show on Motherhood and confessions of everyday mothers. It was hillarious! Desperation can be very funny, like the woman who was on a road trip with two sleeping children in the car. She had to go to the bathroom, not wanting to wake them she reached into the diaper bag and without stopping fixed her problem... that is a story only a mother of young children would understand!
The show was very impowering, even the moms that look and act perfect make mistakes. So many of us are trying to look like we are handling everything perfectly, when really we are not. There were many who found that talking with other moms, and being totally honest about how hard it really is to be a mom, found support from other struggling moms. It got me to thinking... if being a mother is the hardest job, what about being a step-mom? I am both and I think being a step mom is the hardest job...by far! I thought if I felt that way, maybe other women in positions like mine might feel the same way. So here I am venting about my frustrations and hoping to get help and support from other "wicked step mom's" I don't have any friends or family that are in the same situations and I do not feel a lot of support or understanding from them. How can they understand, when they don't go through the same things I do? Even my husband, who tries very hard, can't understand or feel the same way I do... he is a MAN after all!
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